Tank Awards.

2011-04-11 22:30:49 by Sexual-Lobster
Updated

Quest of the Manwhore is up!

A few people have asked for the lyrics:

Gaze into my chocolate eyes
Let my music sterilise
Give to me your hard earned coin
I'll share with you my tortured groin

What you're feeling is not weird
You want to burrow in my beard
Gaze upon my chiselled abs
I no longer have the crabs

My rhymes will grab you by the throat
And ride you like a sturdy goat
I will drown you in my scent
with or without your consent

I am a whore of some renown
Your buttocks are my hunting ground
I am a manwhore without peer
Absorbing sex from the atmosphere

woahwoahwowowowowowoah

Pressure building like a cyst
I want to share with you love's fist
I'll lick your feet, I'll wear a collar
I'll do anything for a dollar

I will fit you like a glove
More precious than a father's love
not that i would really know
....hmmm.....

I like my women rich and young
The kiss of yoghurt on my tongue
I wield a fleshy latin sword
Raptor jesus is my lord

Let me be your phantom limb
Crack and yoghurt keeps me slim.
Struggling with modernity
A whore for all eternity

___
***edit***
I have cast my vote, and shame upon everyone who didn't try to influence my decisions with vast sums of money. You have to live with yourselves now.
****
Yet again Tom Fulp has conferred a huge amount of personal power to me and asked me to be a judge for the tank awards.

Given that with this honour comes a huge amount of influence and responsibility, and that I have demonstrated in the past that I am willing to wield this power without a shred of fairness and objectivity, I am a little surprised by the complete lack of offers of bribery I have received. There is still a few days to remedy this situation.

What are your picks?

Tank Awards.


Comments

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GianniGianni

2011-04-11 22:38:01

You were robbed! Oh, wait.

There's a comment in it for you, if you pull some strings to make you win...

"What do you mean 'all of the winners were calamari recipes'?"

Sexual-Lobster responds:

well i do love calamari


VidGameDudeVidGameDude

2011-04-11 22:49:52

So im gona see you on the 30th at philly NG HQ?
o my dear god i have to buy you a drink.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

that is kind but no i won't be there as i live in australia.


ThundaboomThundaboom

2011-04-11 23:02:02

I'll buy you 5 drinks. ;)

Sexual-Lobster responds:

you are five times kinder than VidGameDude but i'm afraid six drinks isn't enough to tempt me across the pacific.


tyglitchbladetyglitchblade

2011-04-11 23:12:42

i'll buy you a hooker

Sexual-Lobster responds:

are philly hookers nice?


ThundaboomThundaboom

2011-04-11 23:25:04

I'll buy you the TICKET.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

jeez, you got a coupla grand just sitting around eh


manicjudgementmanicjudgement

2011-04-11 23:26:46

I'll buy you a night out on the town. Two tickets to Bolero, a dinner at Bambera, and then perhaps a stroll on the Jordan River trail.

Or, if you like fun and excitement over culture, we can go skiing and hiking (wonderful time of the year, spring. Both is readily available.), followed by a race on the Miller Speedway.

Your third option is we can get totally shitfaced and laugh at the crying kids at the park after hurling on the equipment.
Your choice.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

this all sounds very romantic, but what do you want in return?


manicjudgementmanicjudgement

2011-04-11 23:27:43

Oh, wait, I'm not even an artist. Nevermind!

Sexual-Lobster responds:

aah! right you are then.


bloominglovebloominglove

2011-04-12 00:08:57

How about I draw you something? :) This doesn't involve buying an expensive plane ticket. :D You say it and I'll try to draw it~! :)

Sexual-Lobster responds:

what do you want in return?


stormwraithstormwraith

2011-04-12 00:30:20

Leo & Satan or Beer Run

Sexual-Lobster responds:

both strong candidates.


MiccoolMiccool

2011-04-12 00:34:33

I personally liked pigpen the most.. Leo vs satan, katan and gone 2 far 2 and beer run.. I also liked a lot...

Actually I basically like almost all of them, they're all good.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

it's true, it's a lot harder to decide this year than the last two years.


unconsideredunconsidered

2011-04-12 01:39:22

Is this a yearly thing?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

the awards are, yes.


fullmetala2392fullmetala2392

2011-04-12 02:35:06

Good Sr. I will pay you 1 billion Santa dollars to make me win something.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

unfortunately my massive power does not extend as far as deciding what gets nominated. if it did, all of my films would be in with a chance.


PIED3PIED3

2011-04-12 03:45:59

Whatever you do DON'T let "hook line and sinker" win anything. It's a disgrace to the name of flash.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

really? i thought it was pretty good, i liked the way the fish were built.


vlaktemaatvlaktemaat

2011-04-12 05:47:28

I'd love to have one of those! But can't you give one to yourself? Captain planet rampage deserves it!

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i've given myself many awards, but they just don't have the same lustre.

but no, captain planet rampage wasn't 2010, it was 2011. also, it didn't win a monthly first prize.


suchosucho

2011-04-12 06:43:25

this year is................ sparse.... to say the least

WHEN WILL YOU JUDGE IN PERSON AT THE HEADQUARTERS HMM??

Sexual-Lobster responds:

you think so? i think it's kinda level with the last two years i judged, but harder to pick clear winners.

i guess i'll be there in person when my permanent residence is philadelphia...so...no time soon.


AdrianDJAdrianDJ

2011-04-12 11:04:58

yep, those trophys looks great, it remainds me of a grammy, i will vote for operation: graveyard, by the way, if i take your dance of the manwhore song and add it to a compilation so taringa users download it, will you be mad? i mean, song is yours and i'm not charging for it, only so i can share it with the rest of the community?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i will just be so angry if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!

not really, i don't know what taringa is, i don't care where the song is as long as it says by sexual lobster or greasymoose.com so that if someone wants to find more they can.


suchosucho

2011-04-12 11:43:53

you must leave your pleasure island someday.........

Sexual-Lobster responds:

are there any walruses in philadelphia?


VidGameDudeVidGameDude

2011-04-12 15:01:06

O JEEZ FINE THUNDER IS OBVIOUSLY KINDER THAN I...

i'll buy you the whole damn bar if that's what it takes;
so suck it thunda *middle finger hurr*

:E

Sexual-Lobster responds:

but if i get that hammered i won't even remember the tank awards.


queenshelbyqueenshelby

2011-04-12 16:06:16

I am pregnant with your love child........now give me an award. :D

Sexual-Lobster responds:

dna test please.


bloominglovebloominglove

2011-04-12 19:32:54

Hi again. I would like a lock of your pubes in return... lol jk jk jk!!!!

I need nothing in return for a sketch since it's worth almost nothing... lol But, if it's like my Bananasaur then that's a different story... (it's on NG if you want to see it) :3

So, anything you want drawn? :)

Sexual-Lobster responds:

just checked out the bananasaur, i like it!

hmmm how about fernando riding a dinosaur into battle, holding his spear?


TowelMasterOfLulzTowelMasterOfLulz

2011-04-12 20:11:40

i heard quest of the man whore is pretty good...........

pokemon tower defense is pretty good thou.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

how could you have heard that, no one's seen it yet!


SugarCainSugarCain

2011-04-13 05:31:33

I will send u a kilt.

TCD

Sexual-Lobster responds:

...does that mean i'd have to wear it?


firedude3132firedude3132

2011-04-13 14:39:32

I'll give you my soul... Which could probably buy you a decent bagel in Philadelphia. And there be walrus here... They just tend to hide where none shall look.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

aah the hidden walrus, scourge of wall spaces everywhere.


RegimeRegime

2011-04-13 16:07:01

This is what I would pick to win the tank awards, I mean who didnt get their ears impregnated by frenando?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

perhaps next year, if raptor jesus favours me.


ASSMANASSMAN

2011-04-13 17:19:14

i told people that quest of the manwhore is pretty good. i told them yesterday.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

before you'd seen it? i hope it lived up.


NothinsNothins

2011-04-13 17:55:14

i will be perparing to give you my
evil floating magical cow moose dead warrior chicken wearing a top hot
or a magical flying pink farting taco pony....

Sexual-Lobster responds:

well then, i look forward to receiving it.


TugoroTugoro

2011-04-13 18:16:59

Woah woah woah woah wowoah woah woah woah wowoah woooaaahhh.....Wowowoah wowowoaaah wowowowowoooaaahh....

Sexual-Lobster responds:

zzzzzzooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh


Druids-WarcryDruids-Warcry

2011-04-13 19:00:15

damn you sexy man whore you make another song that blows my mind, and makes me jizz my self, haha you need to post your FLPS for people wanting to remix your shit you.

still the best mother fucking flash artiest

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks!


funnyhomeboyfunnyhomeboy

2011-04-13 19:40:58

The Pigpen or Katan

The Pigpen I would say because it is not only an excellent animation, but it's well organized, has a great sense of flow, and overall has a great meaning to it. Overall definite contender.

Katan I would say because it's just a fun, well animated, and artistically done piece. The ending was priceless as well.

Those are my two picks.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

yes i enjoyed both a lot.


DCzerkies42DCzerkies42

2011-04-13 22:21:15

I would go to NY to see you i would even go to Australia to see you i applied to college there :P

Sexual-Lobster responds:

im not a great performer. people usually ask for their money back.


Amen1111Amen1111

2011-04-14 00:48:51

dude you should have just torn the time space continuum and just vote for yourself, also will you be doing any new flash about Raptor Jesus?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

if i don't get nominated next year, i will definitely tear the space time continuum, thanks for the suggestion.


ASSMANASSMAN

2011-04-14 01:16:25

U THINK UR SO GREAT

and you're right.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

agreed.


Ronald-McDonald-LoLRonald-McDonald-LoL

2011-04-14 01:31:52

Katan/GoneTooFar2 for best movies

Happy Wheels and Epic Battle Fantasy 3 for best games.

Nothing else on those lists comes close.


NecroSoldierNecroSoldier

2011-04-14 04:29:10

Not bad, but I think Dance of the Manwhore is better.


HanksOldFriendHanksOldFriend

2011-04-14 09:11:02

Even though your songs make people dirty it hasn't happened to me. Nice flash by the way.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks!


TheMAMTheMAM

2011-04-14 13:44:24

Of course Quest of the Manwhore next year! Oh, and Leo and Satan.


The-Ninja20The-Ninja20

2011-04-14 18:01:09

ah yes. we aussies have the best comedians. and flash artists. you sir make us look like raptor jesus in the shape of aus

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i don't think im typical of australian humour at all!


KyuubiTKyuubiT

2011-04-14 18:40:02

I would love tp be part of the sexual lobster team if there is anything you need i can offer i'd like to be of service.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks for the offer.


AdrianDJAdrianDJ

2011-04-14 21:05:54

Song was amazing... and what happened to Hernando?, is he dead?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

he's pulling bongs at his beach shack and catching waves (while still wearing a cape).


Dark-criticalDark-critical

2011-04-15 05:15:08

Loving the new Fernando flash, it's got quite a nice rythm.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks!


stalkerfoxstalkerfox

2011-04-15 11:59:24

You as judge of tank awards?...Omg O.O
Then this are gonna be best tank awards ever!

Sexual-Lobster responds:

actually this is the third year in a row. but yes the continued success of the tank awards is due solely to my involvement.


DAKSTARDAKSTAR

2011-04-15 20:17:49

I actually like Katan the most. It tells an epic tale without using words. So I implore you to vote for Katan. /sexpressure

Sexual-Lobster responds:

at this point the deadline has passed, the votes have been counted!


DAKSTARDAKSTAR

2011-04-16 01:43:56

This feeling inside of me. It's like a mix between disappointment, and digested mashed potatoes releasing gas into my bowels. Yet strangely, I believe you have made the right choice.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i always know best!


Snipper64Snipper64

2011-04-16 02:29:34

Man I love Renaldo the manwhore so much, but as much as I love his songs, what are the chances of Goose man getting a musical number?

Sexual-Lobster responds:

but that would mean i'd have to sing it! i think i'm content with "woah woah woah", that's about the extent of my ability.


DAKSTARDAKSTAR

2011-04-16 22:01:52

I was curious as to whether the manwhore's mother might make an appearance. Maybe even his father. I understand his father never loved him, but maybe you could work your magical magic and send them to counseling. I think it would be interesting to see how the manwhore is able to work through these tough emotions and how his father could come to accept him.

Just something to think about you delicious freak.

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i imagine fernando's father as crusty, extremely devout catholic sailor who raised his two young boys on his trawler, and fernando's mother as a renowned beauty who died in childbirth, hence earning the twins their father's eternal resentment.

he might turn up eventually.


Dangerous-DDangerous-D

2011-04-16 22:29:12

Dude you have the best stuff on NG, if you happen to drop into Las Vegas, I wanna buy you a beer

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks!


sawyerscott123sawyerscott123

2011-04-17 00:24:48

is it me or did Katy perry get allot more rugged

Sexual-Lobster responds:

its just you, shes always looked like that.


KAOSKINGKAOSKING

2011-04-17 03:10:46

im surprised to see that next to no one has even attempted to make a flash about cthulhu, other than retarded animal babies, and then its mostly refrencing him. i think theres comedy gold to be had there. anyway, pigpen is the best, for it is a shameless mockery of societie's insanity, control through addiction to disease and submision to the parasites of industry, allowing our selfs to be robbed of our very souls, our very thoughts! swallowing the pills like fernando swallows the succulent juices of a freshly steemed crab! and then the engine of big buisness is fueled ever more to do destruction upon itself and the world!!!

Sexual-Lobster responds:

i've never read any lovecraft, but ive been told to a number of times

but yeh, i really liked the pigpen.


hollandmanhollandman

2011-04-17 03:29:35

great job
im a fan of your work
its al great

Sexual-Lobster responds:

thanks!