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Where cartoons go to die.

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Joined on 4/12/05

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Tank Awards.

Posted by Sexual-Lobster - April 11th, 2011

Quest of the Manwhore is up!

A few people have asked for the lyrics:

Gaze into my chocolate eyes
Let my music sterilise
Give to me your hard earned coin
I'll share with you my tortured groin

What you're feeling is not weird
You want to burrow in my beard
Gaze upon my chiselled abs
I no longer have the crabs

My rhymes will grab you by the throat
And ride you like a sturdy goat
I will drown you in my scent
with or without your consent

I am a whore of some renown
Your buttocks are my hunting ground
I am a manwhore without peer
Absorbing sex from the atmosphere


Pressure building like a cyst
I want to share with you love's fist
I'll lick your feet, I'll wear a collar
I'll do anything for a dollar

I will fit you like a glove
More precious than a father's love
not that i would really know

I like my women rich and young
The kiss of yoghurt on my tongue
I wield a fleshy latin sword
Raptor jesus is my lord

Let me be your phantom limb
Crack and yoghurt keeps me slim.
Struggling with modernity
A whore for all eternity

I have cast my vote, and shame upon everyone who didn't try to influence my decisions with vast sums of money. You have to live with yourselves now.
Yet again Tom Fulp has conferred a huge amount of personal power to me and asked me to be a judge for the tank awards.

Given that with this honour comes a huge amount of influence and responsibility, and that I have demonstrated in the past that I am willing to wield this power without a shred of fairness and objectivity, I am a little surprised by the complete lack of offers of bribery I have received. There is still a few days to remedy this situation.

What are your picks?

Tank Awards.

Comments (67)

You were robbed! Oh, wait.

There's a comment in it for you, if you pull some strings to make you win...

"What do you mean 'all of the winners were calamari recipes'?"

well i do love calamari

So im gona see you on the 30th at philly NG HQ?
o my dear god i have to buy you a drink.

that is kind but no i won't be there as i live in australia.

I'll buy you 5 drinks. ;)

you are five times kinder than VidGameDude but i'm afraid six drinks isn't enough to tempt me across the pacific.

i'll buy you a hooker

are philly hookers nice?

I'll buy you the TICKET.

jeez, you got a coupla grand just sitting around eh

I'll buy you a night out on the town. Two tickets to Bolero, a dinner at Bambera, and then perhaps a stroll on the Jordan River trail.

Or, if you like fun and excitement over culture, we can go skiing and hiking (wonderful time of the year, spring. Both is readily available.), followed by a race on the Miller Speedway.

Your third option is we can get totally shitfaced and laugh at the crying kids at the park after hurling on the equipment.
Your choice.

this all sounds very romantic, but what do you want in return?

Oh, wait, I'm not even an artist. Nevermind!

aah! right you are then.

How about I draw you something? :) This doesn't involve buying an expensive plane ticket. :D You say it and I'll try to draw it~! :)

what do you want in return?

Leo & Satan or Beer Run

both strong candidates.

I personally liked pigpen the most.. Leo vs satan, katan and gone 2 far 2 and beer run.. I also liked a lot...

Actually I basically like almost all of them, they're all good.

it's true, it's a lot harder to decide this year than the last two years.

Is this a yearly thing?

the awards are, yes.

Good Sr. I will pay you 1 billion Santa dollars to make me win something.

unfortunately my massive power does not extend as far as deciding what gets nominated. if it did, all of my films would be in with a chance.

Whatever you do DON'T let "hook line and sinker" win anything. It's a disgrace to the name of flash.

really? i thought it was pretty good, i liked the way the fish were built.

I'd love to have one of those! But can't you give one to yourself? Captain planet rampage deserves it!

i've given myself many awards, but they just don't have the same lustre.

but no, captain planet rampage wasn't 2010, it was 2011. also, it didn't win a monthly first prize.

this year is................ sparse.... to say the least


you think so? i think it's kinda level with the last two years i judged, but harder to pick clear winners.

i guess i'll be there in person when my permanent residence is philadelphia...so...no time soon.

yep, those trophys looks great, it remainds me of a grammy, i will vote for operation: graveyard, by the way, if i take your dance of the manwhore song and add it to a compilation so taringa users download it, will you be mad? i mean, song is yours and i'm not charging for it, only so i can share it with the rest of the community?

i will just be so angry if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!

not really, i don't know what taringa is, i don't care where the song is as long as it says by sexual lobster or greasymoose.com so that if someone wants to find more they can.

you must leave your pleasure island someday.........

are there any walruses in philadelphia?


i'll buy you the whole damn bar if that's what it takes;
so suck it thunda *middle finger hurr*


but if i get that hammered i won't even remember the tank awards.

I am pregnant with your love child........now give me an award. :D

dna test please.

Hi again. I would like a lock of your pubes in return... lol jk jk jk!!!!

I need nothing in return for a sketch since it's worth almost nothing... lol But, if it's like my Bananasaur then that's a different story... (it's on NG if you want to see it) :3

So, anything you want drawn? :)

just checked out the bananasaur, i like it!

hmmm how about fernando riding a dinosaur into battle, holding his spear?

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