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Tank Awards.

Posted by Sexual-Lobster - April 11th, 2011

Quest of the Manwhore is up!

A few people have asked for the lyrics:

Gaze into my chocolate eyes
Let my music sterilise
Give to me your hard earned coin
I'll share with you my tortured groin

What you're feeling is not weird
You want to burrow in my beard
Gaze upon my chiselled abs
I no longer have the crabs

My rhymes will grab you by the throat
And ride you like a sturdy goat
I will drown you in my scent
with or without your consent

I am a whore of some renown
Your buttocks are my hunting ground
I am a manwhore without peer
Absorbing sex from the atmosphere

woahwoahwowowowowowoah

Pressure building like a cyst
I want to share with you love's fist
I'll lick your feet, I'll wear a collar
I'll do anything for a dollar

I will fit you like a glove
More precious than a father's love
not that i would really know
....hmmm.....

I like my women rich and young
The kiss of yoghurt on my tongue
I wield a fleshy latin sword
Raptor jesus is my lord

Let me be your phantom limb
Crack and yoghurt keeps me slim.
Struggling with modernity
A whore for all eternity

___
***edit***
I have cast my vote, and shame upon everyone who didn't try to influence my decisions with vast sums of money. You have to live with yourselves now.
****
Yet again Tom Fulp has conferred a huge amount of personal power to me and asked me to be a judge for the tank awards.

Given that with this honour comes a huge amount of influence and responsibility, and that I have demonstrated in the past that I am willing to wield this power without a shred of fairness and objectivity, I am a little surprised by the complete lack of offers of bribery I have received. There is still a few days to remedy this situation.

What are your picks?

Tank Awards.

Comments

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Gianni 2011-04-11 22:38:01

You were robbed! Oh, wait.

There's a comment in it for you, if you pull some strings to make you win...

"What do you mean 'all of the winners were calamari recipes'?"

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 22:38:01

well i do love calamari

VidGameDude 2011-04-11 22:49:52

So im gona see you on the 30th at philly NG HQ?
o my dear god i have to buy you a drink.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 22:49:52

that is kind but no i won't be there as i live in australia.

Thundaboom 2011-04-11 23:02:02

I'll buy you 5 drinks. ;)

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 23:02:02

you are five times kinder than VidGameDude but i'm afraid six drinks isn't enough to tempt me across the pacific.

tyglitchblade 2011-04-11 23:12:42

i'll buy you a hooker

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 23:12:42

are philly hookers nice?

Thundaboom 2011-04-11 23:25:04

I'll buy you the TICKET.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 23:25:04

jeez, you got a coupla grand just sitting around eh

manicjudgement 2011-04-11 23:26:46

I'll buy you a night out on the town. Two tickets to Bolero, a dinner at Bambera, and then perhaps a stroll on the Jordan River trail.

Or, if you like fun and excitement over culture, we can go skiing and hiking (wonderful time of the year, spring. Both is readily available.), followed by a race on the Miller Speedway.

Your third option is we can get totally shitfaced and laugh at the crying kids at the park after hurling on the equipment.
Your choice.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 23:26:46

this all sounds very romantic, but what do you want in return?

manicjudgement 2011-04-11 23:27:43

Oh, wait, I'm not even an artist. Nevermind!

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-11 23:27:43

aah! right you are then.

bloominglove 2011-04-12 00:08:57

How about I draw you something? :) This doesn't involve buying an expensive plane ticket. :D You say it and I'll try to draw it~! :)

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 00:08:57

what do you want in return?

stormwraith 2011-04-12 00:30:20

Leo & Satan or Beer Run

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 00:30:20

both strong candidates.

Miccool 2011-04-12 00:34:33

I personally liked pigpen the most.. Leo vs satan, katan and gone 2 far 2 and beer run.. I also liked a lot...

Actually I basically like almost all of them, they're all good.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 00:34:33

it's true, it's a lot harder to decide this year than the last two years.

unconsidered 2011-04-12 01:39:22

Is this a yearly thing?

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 01:39:22

the awards are, yes.

fullmetala2392 2011-04-12 02:35:06

Good Sr. I will pay you 1 billion Santa dollars to make me win something.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 02:35:06

unfortunately my massive power does not extend as far as deciding what gets nominated. if it did, all of my films would be in with a chance.

PIED3 2011-04-12 03:45:59

Whatever you do DON'T let "hook line and sinker" win anything. It's a disgrace to the name of flash.

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 03:45:59

really? i thought it was pretty good, i liked the way the fish were built.

vlaktemaat 2011-04-12 05:47:28

I'd love to have one of those! But can't you give one to yourself? Captain planet rampage deserves it!

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 05:47:28

i've given myself many awards, but they just don't have the same lustre.

but no, captain planet rampage wasn't 2010, it was 2011. also, it didn't win a monthly first prize.

sucho 2011-04-12 06:43:25

this year is................ sparse.... to say the least

WHEN WILL YOU JUDGE IN PERSON AT THE HEADQUARTERS HMM??

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 06:43:25

you think so? i think it's kinda level with the last two years i judged, but harder to pick clear winners.

i guess i'll be there in person when my permanent residence is philadelphia...so...no time soon.

AdrianDJ 2011-04-12 11:04:58

yep, those trophys looks great, it remainds me of a grammy, i will vote for operation: graveyard, by the way, if i take your dance of the manwhore song and add it to a compilation so taringa users download it, will you be mad? i mean, song is yours and i'm not charging for it, only so i can share it with the rest of the community?

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 11:04:58

i will just be so angry if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!

not really, i don't know what taringa is, i don't care where the song is as long as it says by sexual lobster or greasymoose.com so that if someone wants to find more they can.

sucho 2011-04-12 11:43:53

you must leave your pleasure island someday.........

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 11:43:53

are there any walruses in philadelphia?

VidGameDude 2011-04-12 15:01:06

O JEEZ FINE THUNDER IS OBVIOUSLY KINDER THAN I...

i'll buy you the whole damn bar if that's what it takes;
so suck it thunda *middle finger hurr*

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 15:01:06

but if i get that hammered i won't even remember the tank awards.

queenshelby 2011-04-12 16:06:16

I am pregnant with your love child........now give me an award. :D

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 16:06:16

dna test please.

bloominglove 2011-04-12 19:32:54

Hi again. I would like a lock of your pubes in return... lol jk jk jk!!!!

I need nothing in return for a sketch since it's worth almost nothing... lol But, if it's like my Bananasaur then that's a different story... (it's on NG if you want to see it) :3

So, anything you want drawn? :)

Sexual-Lobster 2011-04-12 19:32:54

just checked out the bananasaur, i like it!

hmmm how about fernando riding a dinosaur into battle, holding his spear?

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